As Christmas and the end-of-year catch-ups swiftly approach, many find their social calendars overflowing. The festive season, while filled with joy and celebration, can also become overwhelming, especially for those who struggle with setting personal boundaries. Understanding and maintaining these boundaries is not only essential for mental health but can also influence our physical wellbeing.
Why Boundaries Matter
Boundaries are crucial for safeguarding your mental health, personal space and energy. They help manage time and prevent overcommitment which is key to avoiding burnout. Brené Brown, an expert on vulnerability, highlights the importance of boundaries, stating, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” This sentiment is particularly pertinent during the festive season, when societal and workplace pressures intensify the challenge of saying “no”.
The Physical and Emotional Toll of the Holiday Season
The link between stress and physical health is well documented. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 38 percent of people report increased stress during the holidays, which can lead to physical ailments such as headaches, sleep disturbances and digestive problems. The emotional load of unmet expectations and familial obligations only adds to this burden, making the festive season a critical time to enforce personal boundaries for holistic health.
In Australia, a consumer insights report by HCF revealed that 71 percent of Australians are bracing for a stressful holiday season, with parents and women, who often shoulder the bulk of holiday preparations, particularly likely to feel the pressure. This aligns with global trends where seasonal activities and expectations lead to heightened stress, impacting both mental and physical health.
Challenges of Boundaries During Christmas Functions
Setting boundaries around Christmas and end-of-year functions can be particularly challenging. The expectation to attend these events can feel mandatory, with many worrying about the social repercussions of declining invitations. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert on addiction and stress, notes, “In every relationship, personal or professional, boundaries are an expression of the kind of contact you want to have with the world.” This perspective underscores the importance of setting clear boundaries to manage not just our time but also our emotional energy during such a demanding season.
Strategies for Setting Boundaries During the Festive Season
Recognise Physical Symptoms
Pay attention to signs of physical stress, such as headaches or fatigue, which may indicate it’s time to slow down and assess your commitments.
Be Clear and Direct
Communicate your decisions firmly and respectfully. For instance, you might say, “I need to leave the Christmas dinner by 9pm to ensure I get enough rest for work the next day.”
Know Your Why
Be clear about why you need to set a boundary. Whether it’s for rest, reflection or simply to recharge. Understanding your ‘why’ will help you communicate your decision more effectively. For example, “I’m choosing not to attend back-to-back events to avoid feeling run down.”
Use ‘I’ Statements
Focus on your feelings to reduce potential conflict. You might express, “I feel stressed when I have too many social commitments in a short period.”
Empathy with Assertiveness
Acknowledge others’ disappointment while maintaining your stance. A balanced approach could be, “I understand you’re disappointed I can’t make it to the holiday market, but I need to prioritise my family time this weekend.”
Offer Alternatives
If you’re unable to participate in one event, suggest another way to engage. For example, “I can’t attend the office holiday party, but let’s have lunch together next week.”
Have a Backup Plan
Anticipate and prepare for possible pressure or guilt from others. You might decide beforehand to respond with, “I’ve really thought about it and while I appreciate the invite, I have to stick to my decision for my own wellbeing.”
Be Prepared for Reactions
Stay composed if your boundaries aren’t well received. Remember, setting boundaries is about your health and happiness. You could reinforce your position with, “I understand this might be upsetting, but I need to do what’s best for me right now.”
Setting boundaries during the festive season is essential for maintaining both mental and emotional wellbeing. From work functions to family gatherings, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to say “no” to protect your time and energy. Ensuring that your boundaries reflect your needs is the best gift you can give yourself this holiday season.
Embracing these practices not only during the holidays, but throughout the year can lead to sustained personal growth and improved relationships. By consistently applying these boundary-setting strategies, we can enhance our resilience and enjoy a richer, more balanced life.
References:
American Psychological Association. Holiday Stress.
Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection.
Maté, Gabor. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.
HCF. Consumer Insights Report on Holiday Stress.
Rosemary Gattuso has been in alternative dispute resolution practice in Sydney for more than fifteen years, specialising in family mediation and restorative justice. As a family mediator, she has helped many families to separate in a child-focused way. In addition to her dispute resolution work, Rosemary runs programs for schools, parents, individuals and businesses about strengths-based living and ways to transform self-criticism and overthinking into empowering personal growth.
Her book It’s Not You, It’s Me – A Chronic Overthinker’s Guide to Self-Reflection is out now.
Visit www.rosemarygattuso.com
